Mmmm so I went out with Beckie today, and she took reeeallly good care of me when I needed it! Thanks so much man babe, I'd feel indebted to you for life from that moment on, HAHA. Then again, I've realised that I shouldn't try to push myself too hard, else I'd prolly....end up in the hospital again? :/

Gokusen wasn't available, even though they said the release date was 19 Nov!! The ticketing dude still told me rubbish by saying "That's probably the release date in U.S. time, so it's not out in Singapore yet." And that's obviously gibberish cause Singapore is like, +/- 10h ahead of USA?! Like golly, even as I'm typing this at 3:21AM 20 Nov, the people in Honolulu, Hawaii are just starting to wake up, at 9:21AM 19 Nov over on their side.

Well, I was supposed to sleep at 12AM, but.... ugh :(

Events up for tomorrow: Movie > Dye hair for ST > Work out (if there's still time)

Anywayanywayanyway I've just paid up for my JC wedges in full! Super heart pain cause my debt this month is already very heavy excluding payment for that item :(

:)

Ciaoz, off to do my exercise! x

Mm so hello! Submitted my registration form today, quite pleased with the way things have turned out I must say, though........actually getting a position in the school still IS dependent on my O level results. Which is sad, cause I doubt I'll fare well for it, ahah :/

So.... Trina and I were talking about catching SAW VI, I wonder if we'll actually catch it in the end?! That'll be amazing, like w-o-a-h, it's R21 for god's sake.

And........ well, sometimes in life, once you've missed the chance to do something, you actually miss doing it forever? It's a sad fact of reality. While you procrastinate, life still continues to move on. Which is like me, I did move on, instead of remaining stucked in the same spot waiting for you to backtrace your steps. So I'm not sure if I'll be able to give you that chance again.

EH FUCK I JUST REALISED I HAVEN'T REMOVED MY MAKEUP, LOL IT'S LIKE HOW MANY GAZILLION HOURS SINCE I'VE REACHED HOME ALREADY.

Well... I seriously don't know what "Friendship" is all about already. Has it got to do with the fact that I'm busy, or that I don't feel like talking to people even when they're trying to initiate a conversation with me? :/

ah god knows what gibberish i'm uttering at this hour, i ought to turn in soon cause i gotta wake up earlier tomorrow to go out with Bee. she's gonna bring her dslr and take peekturez, while i'm pretty certain i'll be looking so horrid till i ruin all of them, heh :(

x

If my dad doesn't give me my allowance for next month, I think I'm dead. Cause I wouldn't have the cash to pay for my spree buys $_$ In any case, I think he'll question me like crazyy with regards to next month's Visa bill cause........it should be a lot of money :(

In any case I'm feeling so vexed over school application. It's just.......applying for it. It's not a 100% guarantee that I'd get in too. Yeah, yeah. That's all I will be willing to say at the moment I guess. Gonna submit my application tomorrow, finally. But if I don't get in, I'll be fucking sad lah wlao :(

Hello, hahaha. My body clock has officially been screwed up. Would be considered bad for the average person, but I love it the way it is now. Except for the fact that my friends are not like me :/ Woke up at 11 plus am and went for the openhouse on Saturday, slept around 1 pm on Sunday. So I was awake for...almost 25.5 hours. I took a nap though, like for 1-2 h, so that becomes around 24 hours lol. I am kinda crazy, my dad walked in to my room in the morning to see me sitting on my bed reading the publishings and after that, I STARTED cleaning up my room. Took a good few hours (; I've cleared so much space on the inside now, but the outside looks the same cause pretty much everything about my room is storage space instead of "space", like to walk around and stuff.

My dad even called me a GHOST like throughout the whole course of my sleep. Which was only from like 1 pm - 6 plus pm?! What's that mere 5 hours compared to the 24 hours that I was up? That's only 20% of my energy replenished. Stayed home on purpose to skip an event, then caught Fantastic 4 - Rise of the Silver Surfer on Channel 5. It was a really great movie! (: And of course, my parents were "upset" with me for eating cup noodles, and began to piss me off with their lecturing, saying they WOULDN'T buy me ice-cream at that time of the night (11pm). Neh then my dad called again within 10 minutes and asked me what I wanted. I HATE THIS. Like, an obvious NO then a YES? Really really hate it.

Anyway I can't help but worry more as the days past, but seriously what can I do. I think I should act stupid and just type out the essay first. Well, you never know, all your efforts could jolly well be washed down the drain due to your parents' procrastination, which is just GREAT.

Staying at home is so boring. I have seriously fucking ran out of things which I could do - read stuff till I felt sick of it. The DVD player is spoilt, at such a great time too. (Ah, 4:44am...) I haven't started on watching dramas yet, though. I don't know......holing up at home just to watch drama seems so no life, honestly! I don't know why everyone is so busy, like, either they are busy with whatever activities they have or they're starting to fly off one by one, UGH >:(

z

Romeo:
If I profane with my unworthiest hand
This holy shrine, the gentle sin is this:
My lips, two blushing pilgrims, ready stand
To smooth that rough touch with a tender kiss.

Juliet:
Good pilgrim, you do wrong your hand too much,
Which mannerly devotion shows in this,
For saints have hands that pilgrims' hands do touch,
And palm to palm is holy palmers' kiss.

Romeo:
Have not saints lips, and holy palmers too?

Juliet:
Ay, pilgrim, lips that they must use in prayer.

Romeo:
O, then, dear saint, let lips do what hands do.
They pray; grant thou, lest faith turn to despair.

Juliet:
Saints do not move, though grant for prayers' sake.

Romeo:
Then move not, while my prayer's effect I take.

Act 1 Scene 5 - Romeo and Juliet by William Shakespeare

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Staying up late -> Openhouse -> Vivo for lunch-cum-dinner -> Home

It's been ages since I ever took pictures, seriously. Anyway, openhouse was really good. We had ALL the questions in our minds addressed, ALL our doubts set at ease and I believe our hearts were also very much assured by the end of it all. 2 hours of your life can make an amazing difference. The environment of the school was clean, prim and proper, it wasn't very huge but I don't care for that, since the cohort size is really small. It was definitely good enough for the current cohort size, not to mention that next year a sports hall would be built up. The field is really huge :) Mm, guess who I saw? I can't relate to you the excitement I had when I saw him and how elated I was deep inside. It must have been something like, "Oh my god it is him!!!!!!!!!!!" yet I maintained a plain and dull front on the outside. The students were really friendly and this girl even began chatting me up! Anyway I'm not sure if I'll be going there yet, there are only 12-15 vacancies for admission into Year 5 and given how much time my parents usually waste due to procrastination, well I'd say it's 凶多吉少. Reality is harsh - my parents definitely wanted to wait until the O level results had been announced before choosing the school I'd go to, but the school clearly wouldn't wait for that. You have to take a stand before the results come out, you have to make payment (in terms of tens of thousands) and all. It's a tough choice that you have to make fast, and if you don't, you lose the chance and will have to stay alongside hundreds/thousands of grumpy Singaporeans to take the A levels examination. Which explains why as of now, I'm feeling confused/worried/anxious and all.
How could I not have mixed feelings?

Took to shopping to relieve some of that stress, lol. Didn't feel like visiting any boutiques (didn't even step into any of them either - even though there were many in Vivo) cause I had already bought TONNES of clothes online.

I can't help but say this - To the fucking idiot who adores racing on the streets and creating a fucking din out there at 5 AM in the morning, fuck you. Go get some sleep you mother fucking loser. Hope your car crashes or what. UGH. SPEED SOMEMORE!

So I bought 3 new rings! Super happy cause those who know me would know that I'm one who has/wears 0 accessories out each time. Haha!

Finally got myself a pair of double-finger rings at an affordable price! :)

Last but not least,

12553.) I wish my life was exciting. Adventurous. Something, anything. I'm tired of my boring life.

Now that's how I really feel.

Today, I was putting my contacts in when my daughter decided to jump on me from behind to scare me, causing me to poke myself in the eye. I'm now wearing an eye patch due to a scratched cornea while my daughter is singing some song titled "You are a pirate". FML

From Singapore.

The kind of guy who will watch me work
getting charcoal all over my hands which eventually
make it to my cheeks and he’ll laugh at me but
wet his thumb with his tongue
and gently take them off my
elbows and my face

The kind of guy who wouldn’t mind taking his shirt and pants
off for me in the privacy of my studio
to sketch, but of course
I probably wouldn’t subject him to that
kind of thing in the first place

The kind of guy who’d hold my hand and not my ass when
we walked around town and other places
and talked then he’d tickle me and I’d give chase

The kind of guy who cries whenever he feels
sad or broken up inside or happy
he’d let me dry his tears because I wanted to
and let me comfort him any time he needed grace

The kind of guy who doesn’t mind that I’m not like
magazine people cause I’m healthy that’s all that matters
and he says watching the waistline is a waste of time
I’ll be a lady eventually and after all its puberty and just a passing phase

The kind of guy who’ll lie in the curve of my midnight sleep
and hold me close and when the morning light comes he’ll
still kiss me despite our morning breaths but also
if need be he’ll leave me alone and give me my own space

The kind of guy who loves every single part of me
for being every single part of me on their own with nothing special
because ‘I’m everything special already’ he says.

To My Little Girl,

First off, I want to tell you I love you so much. Words could never explain the love a father has for his daughter. I know I'm not with you right now but I am in your heart always.

You came into this world as an unsuspected surprise of joy. When your mom and I found out that she was pregnant with you, we didn't know what we were going to do. We were so young and inexperienced in life yet. After thinking and thinking and thinking we came to the decision that adoption was the best choice for you. We knew that's what we needed to do in order for you to have the best life.

I love you so much, sweetheart. I actually love u so much where I can detach myself from you to give you a better life. Let me tell you, it wasn't easy for your mom or me. I believe that as a parent you have to make sacrifices for your children, and losing you was my sacrifice; my emotional distress was my sacrifice, and not having you in my life was my sacrifice. I only did it to deliver with the absolute best that I could, for you and you only.

The moment I found out you were going to be brought into this world you became exactly that ... my world. Me and your mom were very young and knew that you didn't deserve to be raised and brought into our unstable lives -- it's just not fair to you, and that's all I ever think about is you. Honey, you are my strength through this, you have no clue how hard this is to give you away. I knew from the start that this would be the best for you. I know it sounds crazy that it would be hard as a parent to give their child the best, but when you are a parent and giving your child the best includes not having your child it becomes the most important and hardest decision.

This is the hardest thing I have ever done in my life. The thought of what kind of dad I wanted to be and what you deserve just didn't mix. It's very hard to admit that you don't deserve me as your dad, but that comes with maturity and you have to be mature to be a parent. You were innocent. You didn't ask to be brought into this world and you didn't choose your parents. Your mom and me made an irresponsible mistake not using protection. I will not punish you for that.

My little baby girl, you are everything to me and so much more. That's why I gave you the parents you deserve. I just want you to know that you were my first and I will always love you no matter what. I think about you everyday. You are everything to me. I don't EVER, EVER want you to think I didn't want you. I would have loved to keep you and squeeze you everyday and see that beautiful face every morning. I would have loved to let you ride on my back and be that little pony you always wanted ... but it wasn't about what I wanted. It was about you and what was best for you.

I know I missed out on a lot of things in your life, but you will always be a part of my heart and you will always be my little girl. If and whenever you miss me, just put your hand over your heart and count those beats ... I am in every one of them forever. You will never be alone in this world and don't ever forget that. I love you forever, that's why I picked out that special word on the back your blanket that you will never go away, baby girl. You're my heart, my air, my soul and my spirit. You are every breath I take and every beat in my heart ... without you I wouldn't be able to live. I will always love you ... you are in my thoughts every day.

Love,

Your Daddy

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From Tyler, on behalf of himself and Catelynn, to Carolyn (Carly).

Totally, amazingly, awesome. I would NEVER be able to muster up that courage to do that to my kid.

I love this picture :)

OMGOMGOMGOMG KUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUTE!!!!!!!!